Mahalo.

I forget how much I love Chex Mix sometimes. I never buy it cause I don't crave it, but when someone else buys it and offers... I can't stop eating it. Especially the big brown ones, which I once REALLY hated but now I think they are my favorite. I think if I keep talking about senseless things, it will help me to not break down and cry as I am staring at my very empty apartment. How did four months go by so fast? Why did I ever think four months would be enough anyways. The pretzels are probably my least favorite. How was I to know that I would do extraordinarily well living on my own 4,000 miles away from home and fall in love with this place. I know people are thinking "hello. you moved to Hawaii and you didn't know you would fall in love with it??" In all honesty, I cried my eyes out the first night.... out of fear. Once fear of the unknown passes, windows of opportunity fly.

I feel like I am betraying the WONDERFUL state of Texas that I am truly in love with by saying that I don't want to leave THIS place. Which implies that I don't want to return to THAT place. It felt like I had been having an affair while living out here, and knew I always wanted to return to Texas... someday. I just wish it weren't today. I miss my family and friends dearly, but I'm really starting to contemplate why I am going back so soon. I have adapted to this lifestyle, living alone, getting around this city, was challenged and overcome circumstances beyond my understanding, grown as a woman and Christian and met some pretty amazing people these last four months... and that's it. So what am I to say to that? Apparently goodbye. It's so sad to not know when I will ever be back, when I will see them again or what is next on this ridiculous road. I just have a hard time comprehending that why I am returning to a place that (aside from family) has no substance in my life. It would make much more sense if I had an amazing job waiting for me when I got home... but reality is, I DON'T. And I'm not guaranteed I will get one.

I am hopeful and trust that God will guide me to the right place, but this being my last night, I am allowed to be upset and confused. On the bright side, I get to spend the holidays with the people I love most, which I am looking forward to. I have so much to be thankful for! The fact that I even had the opportunity to come here and enjoy this amazing island all the while continuing my education was beyond my dreams and it quickly became a reality. So as upset as I am about leaving the people and city I have grown to love in four short months, I am grateful.

Mahalo means thank you in Hawaiian which is used quite regularly around here. When my words can no longer describe the way I am feeling tonight, Mahalo seems to suffice. Thank you family for supporting me. Thank you friends for taking care of me while I was here =) Thank you God for your protective hand, guidance and wisdom and Thank you Hawaii for being such a wonderful home away from home.

Peace.Love.Hawaii