I forget how much I love Chex Mix sometimes. I never buy it cause I don't crave it, but when someone else buys it and offers... I can't stop eating it. Especially the big brown ones, which I once REALLY hated but now I think they are my favorite. I think if I keep talking about senseless things, it will help me to not break down and cry as I am staring at my very empty apartment. How did four months go by so fast? Why did I ever think four months would be enough anyways. The pretzels are probably my least favorite. How was I to know that I would do extraordinarily well living on my own 4,000 miles away from home and fall in love with this place. I know people are thinking "hello. you moved to Hawaii and you didn't know you would fall in love with it??" In all honesty, I cried my eyes out the first night.... out of fear. Once fear of the unknown passes, windows of opportunity fly.
I feel like I am betraying the WONDERFUL state of Texas that I am truly in love with by saying that I don't want to leave THIS place. Which implies that I don't want to return to THAT place. It felt like I had been having an affair while living out here, and knew I always wanted to return to Texas... someday. I just wish it weren't today. I miss my family and friends dearly, but I'm really starting to contemplate why I am going back so soon. I have adapted to this lifestyle, living alone, getting around this city, was challenged and overcome circumstances beyond my understanding, grown as a woman and Christian and met some pretty amazing people these last four months... and that's it. So what am I to say to that? Apparently goodbye. It's so sad to not know when I will ever be back, when I will see them again or what is next on this ridiculous road. I just have a hard time comprehending that why I am returning to a place that (aside from family) has no substance in my life. It would make much more sense if I had an amazing job waiting for me when I got home... but reality is, I DON'T. And I'm not guaranteed I will get one.
I am hopeful and trust that God will guide me to the right place, but this being my last night, I am allowed to be upset and confused. On the bright side, I get to spend the holidays with the people I love most, which I am looking forward to. I have so much to be thankful for! The fact that I even had the opportunity to come here and enjoy this amazing island all the while continuing my education was beyond my dreams and it quickly became a reality. So as upset as I am about leaving the people and city I have grown to love in four short months, I am grateful.
Mahalo means thank you in Hawaiian which is used quite regularly around here. When my words can no longer describe the way I am feeling tonight, Mahalo seems to suffice. Thank you family for supporting me. Thank you friends for taking care of me while I was here =) Thank you God for your protective hand, guidance and wisdom and Thank you Hawaii for being such a wonderful home away from home.
Peace.Love.Hawaii
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The Sweetest Sound
I am sitting here watching President Obama speak on the tragedy that occurred on November 5, 2009 in Fort Hood, Texas. Before he stood up to talk, the National Anthem played and I can honestly say... that is one of the sweetest sounds. Every time I go to a baseball game, my favorite part is seeing everyone stand up, all caps removed, hands over hearts and hearing the National Anthem play with tons of hoots and hollers in conclusion. Of course, no hoots and hollers today as hundreds of people are mourning to loss of 13 soldiers. 13 sounds insignificant compared to the thousands we have lost over in Iraq and Afghanistan or even the MILLIONS we have lost as a country but we can't forget that this happened on OUR soil not the enemy's.
The hardest part for me as a believer is that we are not fighting against flesh and blood, but against a real living enemy. Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of the evil in the heavenly realms.
It feels like flesh and blood to me, I saw flesh and blood commit such a horrific crime. I see flesh and blood tear at myself and people I love all the time. So how am I supposed to believe it's not them? How am I supposed to know that there is something out there so powerful he can use those around us to constantly try and separate us from the love of God? Well, I am playing devil's advocate (sorry for the pun) to make a point.
As I said earlier "as a Believer..." and that's exactly what it is. Through FAITH I have been saved. And as much faith as I have (and other times work a little harder at it) in a God that can save me from an eternity in hell, I believe there is a REAL Satan who wants nothing more than to pick at me day after day after day until I give surrender to his lies. I think it's important to remember that Satan is real. I would say within the last couple months that has really hit home for me. It's easy to think of Satan as a small red devil with a pitch fork and horns but I have come to find out he is so much more than that. He uses flesh and blood to disguise himself but don't let us forget it is not human flesh that we are fighting against. I am so happy to say that I know I can fight this battle everyday because I am on HIS side. How great it is to be loved by You. =)
I will have to say that the project princess inside me is DYING to get out!!! I have walked into a crafts store ONCE since being in Hawaii and it was to pick up some supplies for me carebear costume. I need to make pillows, paint canvas or create cupcakes with reindeer on them!!! It's torture. =/ I will have to say though that it is incredible difficult to imagine it's "fall" or dare I say "Holiday Season!". The other day I packed my beach bag and took a nice little 4 HOUR nap on the beach where I forgot to wear sunscreen and was lying in a pool of sweat (lovely, I know). Then I go to lunch with a friend where I can barely focus on our conversation because Mariah Carey and N sync are shouting Let it Snow at the top of their lungs. Seriously? I LOVE holiday season, but how can I possible enjoy Pumpkin Spice Lattes in 85 degree weather by the beach? I could live like this forever. I'm not sure I am too excited about wearing coats and closed toe shoes.
One thing I do wanna do soon after returning to Texas is visit my beloved Austin!!! Oh how I miss you. I can't wait for Alyssah to make me tons of goodies. She is in culinary school to become a butcher and baker and candlestick maker. Really just a baker =) and I have been following all her deliciousness she has been making. Get ready! Cause here I come!
I have also realized that I sold my truck for additional money while living out here and now when I return.... do I get it back?
My parents have an extra vehicle that I will be driving until I buy a new one. Yes, a NEW one. I have a couple things in mind. Of course the one I really want I can't afford but it's one the list anyways =)
1. Volvo C70 Convertible. Please explain why a Volvo is so expensive? I thought they were for old people? Since when have Volvo's come in convertibles and become so darn cute!!! I want one.
2. Tahoe. Just because I love them.
3.2010 Camero. Need I say more?
4. Mustang. Classic. Cute. Affordable.
Black or White for sure. I don't care how dirty they get or whatever, white is by far the classiest color especially on a sweet little convertible. Two of my best friends just got new vehicles and I'm pretty sure I'm next on the list... cross fingers.
So before I pack my beach bag for another fabulous day in Waikiki... I have a long "To Do" list when I get back to Texas.
1. PEDICURE! I miss you Michelle!
2. Haircut! Have you seen how long my hair is now? I'm so pumped! Granted I shed like a wild animal, I'm surprised I'm not bald to be honest.
3. BUBBLE BATH. Please refrain from calling me 24 hours upon my return. I will be in the bath tub and unable to answer any calls due to my hands being numb and wrinkled.
4. DVR. I will be DVRing TV shows, even if I have no interest in watching them later one. Just because I can.
5. Make a trip to Hobby Lobby and Michaels. I have about 10 projects simmering in my head...
6. Go country dancing. Hawaii is an embarrassment to country music. The ONLY dance hall on the Island is called "Nashvilles" and think I left there once with 10 broken toes, a headache that lasted a week and my arms being ripped from their sockets. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if they played GOOD country music. Please hear me when I say... Kenny Chesney is not good country music. Do not be fooled.
7. EAT MEXICAN FOOD!!!! AND LOTS OF IT! Again, Hawaii is an embarrassment to Mexican food. The waitress didn't even know what the word Queso meant! Needless to say, they don't have any. Jonny Tamales, Don'Key, Casa Ole, Gringos, Donaraki and Arandas.... here I come.
Of course non of these things will be done before loving and kissing on my Hunter bear, spending hours talking to me sister, going to see my grandpa and making my way around town to catch up on what I have been missing for the last 4 months. Have I really been missing much anyways? Or has everyone else been missing out on this RIDICULOUSLY amazing Island I have called home for the last couple months? I am going to miss my friends I have made here. They got me through some pretty rough times. Thanks guys =)
Tomorrow is Veteran's Day... I think I will make a trip out to Pearl Harbor. How can you possibly say thank you to all the men and women who have and continue to sacrifice their lives for this country. My grandpa is the closest one to my heart when speaking of veteran's day... he can remember so many details during his time fighting and I love hearing his talk about these years that played such a huge role in his life.
What a great life I live. Thank you to all who fight in order for me to continue to dream and make dreams become reality. I am sad that I will be missing Thanksgiving with my family, but my 3 best friends will be here with me, and they are pretty much my family anyways. I had mentioned my parent's coming in what is now, 3 days!! I need to create a schedule cause if you know anything about my family there aren't exactly "go with the flow" kinda folk. I would believe I was adopted if it weren't for the video disproving that assumption. So I'm off to the beach to plan, nap, read and soak up the sun.
Peace.Love.America.
The hardest part for me as a believer is that we are not fighting against flesh and blood, but against a real living enemy. Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of the evil in the heavenly realms.
It feels like flesh and blood to me, I saw flesh and blood commit such a horrific crime. I see flesh and blood tear at myself and people I love all the time. So how am I supposed to believe it's not them? How am I supposed to know that there is something out there so powerful he can use those around us to constantly try and separate us from the love of God? Well, I am playing devil's advocate (sorry for the pun) to make a point.
As I said earlier "as a Believer..." and that's exactly what it is. Through FAITH I have been saved. And as much faith as I have (and other times work a little harder at it) in a God that can save me from an eternity in hell, I believe there is a REAL Satan who wants nothing more than to pick at me day after day after day until I give surrender to his lies. I think it's important to remember that Satan is real. I would say within the last couple months that has really hit home for me. It's easy to think of Satan as a small red devil with a pitch fork and horns but I have come to find out he is so much more than that. He uses flesh and blood to disguise himself but don't let us forget it is not human flesh that we are fighting against. I am so happy to say that I know I can fight this battle everyday because I am on HIS side. How great it is to be loved by You. =)
I will have to say that the project princess inside me is DYING to get out!!! I have walked into a crafts store ONCE since being in Hawaii and it was to pick up some supplies for me carebear costume. I need to make pillows, paint canvas or create cupcakes with reindeer on them!!! It's torture. =/ I will have to say though that it is incredible difficult to imagine it's "fall" or dare I say "Holiday Season!". The other day I packed my beach bag and took a nice little 4 HOUR nap on the beach where I forgot to wear sunscreen and was lying in a pool of sweat (lovely, I know). Then I go to lunch with a friend where I can barely focus on our conversation because Mariah Carey and N sync are shouting Let it Snow at the top of their lungs. Seriously? I LOVE holiday season, but how can I possible enjoy Pumpkin Spice Lattes in 85 degree weather by the beach? I could live like this forever. I'm not sure I am too excited about wearing coats and closed toe shoes.
One thing I do wanna do soon after returning to Texas is visit my beloved Austin!!! Oh how I miss you. I can't wait for Alyssah to make me tons of goodies. She is in culinary school to become a butcher and baker and candlestick maker. Really just a baker =) and I have been following all her deliciousness she has been making. Get ready! Cause here I come!
I have also realized that I sold my truck for additional money while living out here and now when I return.... do I get it back?
My parents have an extra vehicle that I will be driving until I buy a new one. Yes, a NEW one. I have a couple things in mind. Of course the one I really want I can't afford but it's one the list anyways =)
1. Volvo C70 Convertible. Please explain why a Volvo is so expensive? I thought they were for old people? Since when have Volvo's come in convertibles and become so darn cute!!! I want one.
2. Tahoe. Just because I love them.
3.2010 Camero. Need I say more?
4. Mustang. Classic. Cute. Affordable.
Black or White for sure. I don't care how dirty they get or whatever, white is by far the classiest color especially on a sweet little convertible. Two of my best friends just got new vehicles and I'm pretty sure I'm next on the list... cross fingers.
So before I pack my beach bag for another fabulous day in Waikiki... I have a long "To Do" list when I get back to Texas.
1. PEDICURE! I miss you Michelle!
2. Haircut! Have you seen how long my hair is now? I'm so pumped! Granted I shed like a wild animal, I'm surprised I'm not bald to be honest.
3. BUBBLE BATH. Please refrain from calling me 24 hours upon my return. I will be in the bath tub and unable to answer any calls due to my hands being numb and wrinkled.
4. DVR. I will be DVRing TV shows, even if I have no interest in watching them later one. Just because I can.
5. Make a trip to Hobby Lobby and Michaels. I have about 10 projects simmering in my head...
6. Go country dancing. Hawaii is an embarrassment to country music. The ONLY dance hall on the Island is called "Nashvilles" and think I left there once with 10 broken toes, a headache that lasted a week and my arms being ripped from their sockets. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if they played GOOD country music. Please hear me when I say... Kenny Chesney is not good country music. Do not be fooled.
7. EAT MEXICAN FOOD!!!! AND LOTS OF IT! Again, Hawaii is an embarrassment to Mexican food. The waitress didn't even know what the word Queso meant! Needless to say, they don't have any. Jonny Tamales, Don'Key, Casa Ole, Gringos, Donaraki and Arandas.... here I come.
Of course non of these things will be done before loving and kissing on my Hunter bear, spending hours talking to me sister, going to see my grandpa and making my way around town to catch up on what I have been missing for the last 4 months. Have I really been missing much anyways? Or has everyone else been missing out on this RIDICULOUSLY amazing Island I have called home for the last couple months? I am going to miss my friends I have made here. They got me through some pretty rough times. Thanks guys =)
Tomorrow is Veteran's Day... I think I will make a trip out to Pearl Harbor. How can you possibly say thank you to all the men and women who have and continue to sacrifice their lives for this country. My grandpa is the closest one to my heart when speaking of veteran's day... he can remember so many details during his time fighting and I love hearing his talk about these years that played such a huge role in his life.
What a great life I live. Thank you to all who fight in order for me to continue to dream and make dreams become reality. I am sad that I will be missing Thanksgiving with my family, but my 3 best friends will be here with me, and they are pretty much my family anyways. I had mentioned my parent's coming in what is now, 3 days!! I need to create a schedule cause if you know anything about my family there aren't exactly "go with the flow" kinda folk. I would believe I was adopted if it weren't for the video disproving that assumption. So I'm off to the beach to plan, nap, read and soak up the sun.
Peace.Love.America.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
What A Beautiful Day
I am officially eligible to work as a Child Life Specialist! That's right, 4 months of riding on an emotional roller coaster testing my skills as a Specialist and character as a woman. My strength was tested to the highest degree and I SUCCESSFULLY completed what I came here to do. I can not thank enough the encouraging, loving, positive family and friends I have surrounding me for supporting me and believing in me. I have learned a lot. I have a great foundation to enter the field. I have the knowledge to do what my education and experience have provided for me. I have the heart and soul for this profession. I have learned more importantly what kind of people I want in my life, to surround me everyday and what kind of people I have no desire to interact with as they contribute nothing positive to who I am. I have learned that I can not survive with HIS strength and wisdom...God is the one who pulled me through.
Could it have been easier somewhere else? I believe so, but who can argue with how much you grow through challenges, times when you don't know how you could possibly go on one more day. It will all come full circle once I am able to find a job doing what I love. In a year, I will only remember this amazing Island for what it is, the people I met, the things I saw, the experiences I had... and the tears I shed here will be overshadowed by the leaps and bounds I grew as an individual. Whew. I am happy to say I am ready to see what lies ahead of me now.
BUT before I move on completely, I have 3 weeks to live this Island up with NO RESPONSIBILITIES! =) My parents come next Friday the 13th. I KNOW! Who flies 4,000 miles on Friday the 13th?! Guess I'm the only superstitious one. Then the day they leave, my best friends come to see me!!! So it's basically a big party in Hawaii for the next 3 weeks! ;)
I know there are some out there have difficulty feeling real sorry that I may have had a tough time during my internship... but that I live in Hawaii, so how much sympathy can one person really have? I understand. It was definitely a trade-off. I will carry this place with me for the rest of my life. A little piece of my heart is filled with pineapple, tiki torches and sand between my toes.
To be continued...
Peace.Love.Happiness.
Could it have been easier somewhere else? I believe so, but who can argue with how much you grow through challenges, times when you don't know how you could possibly go on one more day. It will all come full circle once I am able to find a job doing what I love. In a year, I will only remember this amazing Island for what it is, the people I met, the things I saw, the experiences I had... and the tears I shed here will be overshadowed by the leaps and bounds I grew as an individual. Whew. I am happy to say I am ready to see what lies ahead of me now.
BUT before I move on completely, I have 3 weeks to live this Island up with NO RESPONSIBILITIES! =) My parents come next Friday the 13th. I KNOW! Who flies 4,000 miles on Friday the 13th?! Guess I'm the only superstitious one. Then the day they leave, my best friends come to see me!!! So it's basically a big party in Hawaii for the next 3 weeks! ;)
I know there are some out there have difficulty feeling real sorry that I may have had a tough time during my internship... but that I live in Hawaii, so how much sympathy can one person really have? I understand. It was definitely a trade-off. I will carry this place with me for the rest of my life. A little piece of my heart is filled with pineapple, tiki torches and sand between my toes.
To be continued...
Peace.Love.Happiness.
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